Browsing Non-Fiction on deviantART

[x]

Dear Yaoi Fangirls: I Hate You

It's true.

I hate yaoi fangirls, and I am one.

You may be looking at me with tears in your eyes right now and saying, "Why Chopstick... why?!"

Well, I'm gonna tell you why.

1.  You're just writing about them because they're hot.

Let's just forget that they hated each other in the game.  Let's completely forget that both of them were completely straight and had loving girlfriends in the anime.  And heaven forbid I bring up the idea that they were really "just friends" in the manga.  I'm not really bitching about drabbles or crackfics so much as I am the fifty-page-long epics that completely ignore canon.

AND I MEAN COMPLETELY.

RinoaDear Yaoi Fangirls: I Hate You8 years ago in Editorial

How To Write YaoiToday, we're going to show you how to write The Greatest Thing to ever happen evar.
Yaoi. Since it's a known fact that all female characters are vastly inferior to the male ones, none of them are suitable to be shipped with a male character. In fact, they can all go lez in a corner. No. This is going to be about yaoi. The greatest thing to evar happen evar of all time. Because we could never let a woman soil the true and pure love between a man and another man. And nothing is more sacred than that.

1. Tops and Bottoms As a rule, all yaoi couples must have a certified top and bottom (or uke and seme for you Japan types). NO EXCEPTHow To Write Yaoi3 years ago in Editorial

Comments Disabled

dArama - ISSUE ONE - Love.

The dynamic between core staff, volunteer staff, and the community can at times be pure quality dArama.

It's worth noting that for years I've worked pretty hard to remain neutral on community politics. Today, I'm going to shatter that concept.

Needless to say, I am extremely politically aware of the inner workings of the deviantART community. I read *a lot* of journals, comments, forums, chat rooms. I have fake accounts. I spy.

But I don't spend my time talking politics, instead I focus internally at deviantART designing technologies and implementing understandings with core staff to address the issues I see pop up.

It's time to take a modArama - ISSUE ONE - Love.5 years ago in Editorial

The American Obesity Problem

I have no face. There was a time when I may have owned one, but this is a fuzzy half-memory. In fact, it may be entirely an invention of fantasy. These days, regardless of my history, I know for a fact that I have no face. However, I have been granted a name: The American Obesity Problem. And I am growing in the United States. You may have seen me on television. You may have been witness to my disconcerting back cleavage and mystified by the seamless transition my legs make from my calves into my ankles. You probably saw my unsettlingly large, shelf-like behind as it strained against my tight Capri pants that I swore I would fiThe American Obesity Problem2 years ago in Editorial

How to Write a Hot RomanceRomance has always been a hot subject in the literary world. It's even gone so far as to permeate other genres such as horror, sci-fi, comedy, etc. But what is it that just makes it so popular? What are some special ingredients one can use to make one's special romance story work juuust right?

1. Chicks First and foremost, all chicks like romance. No exceptions. Every girl secretly wants someone else (ex. a hot male) to cuddle them and hold them and to tell them what to do whisper sweet wordings in her ear while he runs his fingers through her hair. They also want to feel safe and that nothing will hurt them when their big strong man is arouHow to Write a Hot Romance3 years ago in Editorial

apples, dammitThe Big Secret to Learning How to Draw:

In the Beginning... You see an apple, and you draw an apple. You look at your drawing, and it's utter crap. It looks nothing like the real thing, and you wonder why. "Hey, a real apple is red and round. My drawing is red and round. Huh. What's wrong?"

You draw some more apples. Many times.

And finally, one day, you have a Eureka! moment. You realize, *d'oh!* a real apple isn't entirely round! It's wider at the top, narrower underneath. It's got funky little lumps at the bottom. It's got a dip like a crazy deep belly button at the very top. You draw another apple. The result is better, but it's still apples, dammit5 years ago in Editorial

The Slenderman Survival GuideThe Slenderman Survival Guide:

With the popularity of Marble Hornets, the Slenderman, originally the product of a thread on SomethingAwful, has become an internet legend, and is responsible for scaring the shit out of many a curious viewer who made the foolish decision to watch the end of entry 26 at 3:00 in the morning. Now, Slenderman is a fictional character, but if he was real he would pose a serious problem to anyone who has watched these videos. Slenderman is a lot like the first rule of Fight Club. You do not talk about Slenderman, or try to find out information about Slenderman. If you do, he will get closer and closer to you until hThe Slenderman Survival Guide2 years ago in Editorial

How to Make a decent homestuck troll OC.THE DO'S AND DO NOT'S OF MAKING A HOMESTUCK TROLL OC.

1) THE NAME.
-Make it something we can prenounce. Not some stupid shit like Jukgth Ghtyfk.
-The first name HAS TO BE 6 LETTERS long.
-The last name HAS TO BE 6 LETTERS long as well.
-Your troll CANNOT have the last name of an actual canon troll.
-Nor can they be related at all.

2) TYPING QUIRKS.
-Make it something readable at least. Keep it simple.
-Don't use the ones that are over used. Like replacing S with $.
-Be creative.

3) BLOOD COLORS.
-Be realistic guys and stay with the program. Don't make them have some stupid rainbow blood or something. That screams Mary-sue.
-Your troll mayHow to Make a decent homestuck troll OC.1 year ago in Editorial

How2Make An AWESUM Female CharHEY? So you want to make an awesome female character that will be loved for all glorious ages to come? Well look no further! In several easy steps, you'll be well on your way to gracing fiction with what will eventually become one of the greatest female characters of all time!

1. Real Girls Don't Wear Pants. A major rule in physical design is never ever have your female character wearing pants. Or, GOD FORBID, jeans. She must always wear either a skirt, shorts, or some freaky variation between the two. But never pants. (unless they're really tight pants that let you see everything. Black leather is also highly suitable for this purpose.) AlsHow2Make An AWESUM Female Char3 years ago in Editorial

How to be a True Fan1. Merch Does the object of your obsession have merchandise? Yes? Good. Make it your job to own every available piece of it. If you don't own every piece of available merchandise, you aren't complete. In fact, you won't have a functioning life because there will be a large gaping hole in your chest where that missing merchandise should be. The hole will be so mind-rendingly large that your mother, your best friend, your car, your dog, not even your smoking hot girlfriend will be able to fill. Also, the hole and stinking lumps of meat that surround it will be gradually eaten by the nastiest of flies until you do find something to plug it up wiHow to be a True Fan3 years ago in Editorial

Comments Disabled

Being a WriterOn Why Being a Writer is Neither Glamorous nor Exciting

If you watch the blogs and various sites around the internet about writing, you've probably seen at least one list that details a few universal truths about writers, but they all pretty much boil down to several actual truths.

All writers write.
All writers procrastinate.
Writers don't actually write, because we spend all our time doing something else.

This probably explains why, in the dark hours of one of the very last days of NaNoWriMo, I'm sitting here writing this, when my NaNo is sitting in another window with a pathetic 31.8k words.

Will I finish by 11:59pm tomorrow? ProbablBeing a Writer2 years ago in Editorial

How to Be The Perfect FanFans. They're one of the biggest driving life forces behind media today. In fact, without them, your works probably wouldn't get anywhere. You'd probably be stuck somewhere in a crappy one-room apartment living on ramen as a hack writer or lonely college kid spending all his free time making hentai games. However, in this world, people have the potential to simultaneously both have fans and be fans. Chances are, while you may not get a sizable fanbase in this lifetime, you can sure as hell learn to be one helluva fan yourself. So here are some guidelines and tips to get you started on being the perfect fan.

1. Love Do you love your fandom? GHow to Be The Perfect Fan3 years ago in Editorial

Comments Disabled

Don't freak out.Did you know that you might be a cauliflower, or maybe a tomato, or a pea? It’s true. Keep on reading and I’ll tell you why. (And no, it’s not past life related. But hey, if you want to believe you once roamed this earth as a chubby red vegetable, who am I to judge.)

Still with me? Good, let me start from the beginning.

In the beginning we’re born. Yay! Things could not get a better start.
Immediately after we’re born, we start to grow up. And then we keep growing up, and some day maybe we’ll get kids of our own, and; unless we can figure out how to stop growing up, someday we’ll die. But that’s anoDon't freak out.4 years ago in Editorial

How To ArgueIf there's one thing that a person can't live without, it's arguments. Whether it's online or real life, chances are you're going to get sucked into them. Like the death of a pet or every ongoing anime series since the mid nineties tanking horribly and hitting rock bottom, it's inevitable. So here are yet a few more tips to help you succeed in that key aspect of life (and online).

1. Name Calling Dropping Something that you're bound to see in almost every other argument in life is the ever-present name-calling. Fuck key points or backing up your retorts with actual intelligence. None of that is necessary when you have name-calling. Name callHow To Argue3 years ago in Editorial

Comments Disabled

How to Make a BadassBadasses. The media's chock-full of them. Ever since the 80s-90s darker and edgier characters have been steadily emerging as main characters instead of staying as the usual bad guy role. Today, they're so prevalent that it seems like every other game, film, or comic we pick up has some form of dark, chaotic, trench-coat wearing protagonist. Chances are, you want some of the sweet, darkly feeling of badassery to rub off on you too. So here are some tips to help you on your way to making one of the coolest, hardest, fastest, strongest, ass-kickingest, tired-of-these-snakes motherfuckerest badassed character of all time.

1. Clothes Like how AbeHow to Make a Badass3 years ago in Editorial

How To Make a Real MonsterTales of monsters have been around since mankind was old enough to feel fear of the dark. Quite possibly even longer. And despite many thousands of years since, monsters still remain popular unto this day. You see them everywhere, stores, films, media, video games, comics, etc. A lot of people want to create monsters themselves. But how does one stand out in a world already so saturated with goblins and swamp creatures? How does one seem unique while managing to use an element that may have been done many times throughout history?
Never fear. For in this guide, we will turn everything you've been taught about monsters thus far and turn it uHow To Make a Real Monster3 years ago in Editorial

The Greatest Game Ever PlayedAlright, alright. Lemme introduce myself. I'm a gamer, plain and simple. I mash buttons and stare deeply into a screen that transports my brain to another world for several hours as I sit on my ass and munch doritos. (Fuck yeah, brain food). If you know me, which I'm assuming most of you reading this don't, thus the introduction, I've played and still play a fucking ton of vidja games. When people gave me those little applications in high school that asked, "what sport do you play?" I put GameCube. That's right. Why bother kick a frickin' round spotted ball around a field all goddamn day. I proudly kill alien zombies and does not afraid of anThe Greatest Game Ever Played3 years ago in Editorial

Writing Paranormal CharactersAs a writer of prose, you may at some point to want to write about a character or characters which are paranormal. We could perhaps debate over the exact definition of the word ‘paranormal’, and some may prefer ‘supernatural’ - a word more closely associated with magic, whereas ‘paranormal’ tends to be taken to mean something outside the realms of science (though of course, it is not as clear-cut as that, and you may like to think that I am wrong in saying this).

For the purposes of this guide, both ‘paranormal’ and ‘supernatural’ refer to conscious beings, not found in the animal kingdom, tWriting Paranormal Characters4 years ago in Editorial

Stephenie Meyer Sucks Part 1Ah, yes, Stephenie Meyer, author of the Twilight series. My opinion of her, from the way that she has presented herself to the public in interviews and such, is that she is a whiny, self absorbed woman with the mind of a 13 year old. She can't deal with criticism because it hurts her delicate little feelings, and believes that she is an amazing writer and that her story and characters are somehow superior to those seen in the works of people such as Jane Austen and William Shakespeare. Here's one statement that shows that she is both infantile and unable to handle criticism:

"I will state, for the record, that my queries truly sucked, and I Stephenie Meyer Sucks Part 14 years ago in Editorial

So You Wanna Be a Writer?Many writers profess their desire to be novelists or poets, and sometimes even journalists, but very few--indeed, even those sitting with Creative Writing degrees, know what other options are out there for someone gifted with words. Your old Alma Mater wasn't lying when they said you could do "anything" with an English Literature degree, but they may have been leaving out much of the story.

For writers, especially those trying to break into the publishing business, the world is a daunting (and often depressing) place. Securing a literary agent is almost necessary in today's oversaturated market and, while many publishers are still looking So You Wanna Be a Writer?5 years ago in Editorial

How to Make VillainsWe've already gone over how to make every kind of awesome main character. While main character's have little things to add to their epicness here and there, there's another vital thing that makes them truly great. Something that means more than their weapons or their bravery or they adventures they go on.

1. Puns Nearly every awesome or memorable villain that has ever been awesome or memorable before has usually made puns at some point. They're not lame or cliche, they're the the universal measure of villain intelligence. The more they're able to come up with puns for any given moment or any given situation, the cleverer they are. That's whyHow to Make Villains3 years ago in Editorial

Comments Disabled

Punctuating Dialogue: A GuideStandard Punctuation: Dialogue

Sometimes we read dialogue so often, punctuated in so many different ways, that we either forget what we've learned (if that was anything memorable to begin with) or we rely on instinct to guide us. A common example of this can be seen in the opening dialogue of darksouldream's piece, Bobby:

‘No,’ replied Cindy `I think his sister Becky is staying with her, but she keeps muttering about parents out living children. The doctors been keeping her pretty sedated.’

Most Americans will cringe at this. Why? Well, double quotation marks are the more acceptable usage (thPunctuating Dialogue: A Guide5 years ago in Editorial

The Hard Work of PoetryPoets are constantly crippled, creatively. It's the way it works. You write a line and, just now, right now, it seems like it's the best line in the world to date. It's a shiny, beautiful line, a thought, an image so remarkably profound that you are in awe of yourself, or (if you are a seasoned poet) in awe of that angelic being which sits on high in your mind and occasionally drops little scraps of poetic manna into your head. Now, you only need to write a poem around it.

And fail.

Because the poem takes over, sprouts a million legs and scurries in directions you had no real intention of it going – and now the Wondrous Line of Glory aThe Hard Work of Poetry3 years ago in Editorial

Analyzing the Legend of ZeldaAt some point or another, you've probably heard of the Legend of Zelda. In fact, you've probably played it. However, did you ever notice anything out of the ordinary? Besides fairies, magic, and the usual Nintendo dreamworld? As a small child with a brain only large enough to contemplate rapid button-mashing and that guy's wearin' a green skirt LOL, probably not. You were, after all, a mere child. But the Japanese are known to be a crafty race, as seen from their successful attempt at mind control using the exotic medium commonly known as "manga." Therefore, there was a lot more to the game than met the eye, a lot of which is a much darker thAnalyzing the Legend of Zelda3 years ago in Editorial

Show More