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DESUDESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU5 years ago in Ballad

The Official Ode to the Forums

I can't stand to see another thread,
beating a horse that's already dead.
Do you like "s3ks" and what does art mean?
A :devpoorhorse: cult for illiterate teens.

The forum descriptions must be Greek,
or maybe the newbies only read 1337.
The Welcome Center to get a tour.
Thumbshare Forum for commentwhores.

'Deviator' no longer exists
(The Forum's still there 'cause :devjark: insists)
Don't post there- it's useless you know
Read the thread that tells you so.

Elite ForumWhores: they're better than you.
Accept it now you know it's true;
If you see a lot of the Blank Stare guy
stupidity is the reason why.

For those with a brain thatThe Official Ode to the Forums9 years ago in Ballad

My Dead Lesbian DogMy poor dead lesbian dog,
Died a sad lesbian death.
She was just drinking egg nog...
Laced with crystal meth.

Because of her over-dose,
She is now lesbian dead,
What I miss most,
Is stroking her lesbian head.

Now she's in doggy heaven,
(More likely doggy hell)
She died at the lesbian age of seven,
Feeling unlesbianly well.

Now she is lesbian gone,
My dinner is her lesbian remains,
And so she'll live on,
In me-- when I eat her lesbian brains!My Dead Lesbian Dog8 years ago in Ballad

a fairy tale for the morbidThere was a young girl
who grabbed on to a squirel
and propmpty fell down a well
when she hit the ground
she looked around
and wondered if she was in hell

to her great surprise
and the squirels sad demise
t'was a black cat that answerd
he ate up the squirel
smiled at the girl
said"nope" and burst into laughter

but then the cats eyes
buldged open wide
and he starteds to heave
see the squirel inside
hants quite died
and he was really quite peeved

that cat started to hurl
and out came that squirel
fur all stick and wet
the cat was quite shocked
the squirel was pissed off
and he had revenge still to get
a fairy tale for the morbid8 years ago in Ballad

Clash of the TwilightersWhen I first arrive at work
it's immediately thrown in my face;
hordes of screaming, teenaged girls
who fell in love with the Vampire race.

If they're all scornful of Jacob Black
and jealous of Bella Swan,
and swoon over Edward and all the Cullens,
how much longer can this madness go on?

If I have to see one more shirt
that says, "I Love Sparkly Men"
I swear I'll launch myself to the moon
and I won't come back again.

I'm tired of seeing huge displays
when I visit my favorite bookstore.
As to the movie, don't get me started!
The whole stupid series is a bore.

Whenever I see two girls
dressed head to toe in Twilight gear,
I knClash of the Twilighters4 years ago in Ballad

Mario's my father

Mario's my father, the princess is my mom
I fought goombas, turtles, and those little wind-up bombs
Sonic is my brother, that little spikey guy
He runs far too fast for your pathetic human eye

You joke "life force is running out!"
And nobody knows what you're talking about
Except for the geeks, they get your bad joke
Crack open another vanilla coke

I remember the days, the days of 2D
Come on and reminisce with me
Those rainy days with sega and snes
Where tricky games would be the test

Now here we are, in great brand new 3D
Big markets, huge games, and lots of money
Large corporations pump them out, fast and quick like water
Mario's my father9 years ago in Ballad

Morning WoodAN ODE TO MORNING WOOD

Morning wood, oh morning wood,
How'd you arise before I did?
Why must you make me walk all funny
Whenever I walk by Dad and Mummy?

It's just too hard to still look cool
Walking into class every day at school
Teacher says "If you can't keep yourself,
By God, then Glue will"

And riding home upon the bus,
I take two seats (for both of us).
At my porch, you've no signs of shying,
I knock on the door without even trying

And now the dogs won't leave you alone
(They've already finished their other bone)
But come dinner time, you're almost dead
And I feel the blood coming back to my head

Before you, I could juMorning Wood7 years ago in Ballad

I'd Hate to be Harry PotterI'd hate to be Harry Potter
I'd hate to be harry potter,
With glasses, scar and wand.
I know he went to Hogwarts but
That's something I don't want.
I know that he does magic tricks,
And hangs with Dumbledore.
That would be fun if I could stop
The teenage girl author.

I just can't stand the fan fictions
That tell of his new love.
The one Rowling forgot about,
The one that he's dreamed of.
The beauty that is Mary Sue,
(Not based on you, I'm sure).
Who sweeps him off his tortured feet,
The one we must endure.

Forget about Ginny Weasley,
She simply can't compare
To Mary Sue, so beautiful,
With hair so blonde and fair.
WitI'd Hate to be Harry Potter3 years ago in Ballad

Ahmed the dead terrorist part1-Good evening, Achmed.
-Good evening... infidel!
-So you are a terrorist?
-Yes I'm a terrorist!
-What kind of terrorist?
-A terryfing... terrorist!... Are you scared?
-Not really, no
-Bleeeee! And now?
-Not really, no
-EHEEEE! How 'bout now?
-No
-God damn it! Oh! O! I mean: Allah damn it!... SILENCE! I'll kill you!
-So Achmed..
-No, no, it's A*gh*med
-That's what I said
-No, you said Achmed, Agh, gh, gh! SILENCE! I'll kill you!
-How do you spell it?
-What?
-How do you spell your name?
-Well, let's see... A..C..Phlegm... SILENCE! I'll kill you!
-So Achmed you are a terrorist. I would suppose you have sort of speciality?
-YAhmed the dead terrorist part15 years ago in Ballad

know I'm LL's iPod...
Music...
Artists...
L Lawliet...
Know I'm L...

...

I wake up every evenin'
with my legs up in my face
and they're never ever out of place

and I'm still always working
while I eat tea and frosting paste
and I know how good that tastes

when you see my face
hope you know I'm L
hope you know I'm L

when you walk my way
hope you know I'm L
hope you know I'm L

has there ever been a man
that is so smart
and treats you like hell?

i'm just so cool
like that and i can solve crime
like, really well

I know that I can't sing very good
because I've never seen you fall so hard
do you know where you are?

truth be told, know I'm L3 years ago in Ballad

Ballad Of A Disturbed Minstrel'Twas a moonlit morning, late in June
As I stumbled up o'er the last high dune
Of a desert deep in a forest cold---
Before me there sparkled a Sea of gold!

A Sea of Gold--how I shook with fear
For I knew 'twas that magical Lake of Beer
Of which wizards mumble, when deep in their cups
--On the shore of that sea frolicked Basilisk pups!

Six Basilisk puppies, of an aspect most vile
Each grinning like a drunken crocodile
As they slithered and skipped on the silvery shore
--My torn-out innards begged for more!

But I drew my sword with a valiant sneeze
And I sliced up those brutes with ridiculous ease
'Til the silver sands sizzled witBallad Of A Disturbed Minstrel3 years ago in Ballad

Night before Christmas sort ofTwas the night before Christmas and all through the mansion
The Earl was stirring and throwing a tantrum.
The Clan was sitting by the table waiting for their feast
But old Milleny was growling like a beast.

When young Road piped up “You're angry. What's the cause?”
The old creature bellowed “It's that fool Santa Clause!”
There were collective gasps about the room,
And though the voices clamored and made a boom

“What do you have against that big red guy?”
Was one loud cry.
Why it was Road looking all red with flush.
The Earl turned on her with a rush

“He is too Jolly and must be killed.”
Night before Christmas sort of4 years ago in Ballad

Clash of the Twilighters v.2When I first arrive at work,
it’s immediately thrown in my face:
hordes of screaming teenaged girls
in love with the Vampire race.

They’re all scornful of Jacob Black,
and jealous of perfect Bella Swan,
and swoon over Edward and the Cullens,
how long will this obsession go on?

If I have to see one more shirt
that says, I Love Sparkly Men,
I swear I’ll launch myself to the moon
so I won’t have to see them again.

I’m tired of seeing huge displays
when I walk into Borders Bookstore.
As for the movie, don’t get me started:
the entire thing was a sparkling bore.

Whenever I see two teenage girls
dresseClash of the Twilighters v.24 years ago in Ballad

The Poem w. an Eating DisorderThe day I gave my half-done piece a name,
It ceased to eat. Refused all further verse.
It hid its form in anorexic shame,
Convinced of girth it needed to reverse.

Our writing exercises weren't enough;
It had to starve itself, to fast, it thought,
Rejecting words as poor, unhealthy fluff,
Irrational ideals I often fought.

When finally it took to words, it gorged,
Devouring ev'ry phrase I chanced to write;
As thoughts were had, so, too, were verses forged,
With not a hint of order left in sight.

At last, its swollen stanzas stopped to purge;
Revision by catharsis stopped its growth,
And, after having pleased this anxious urge,
IThe Poem w. an Eating Disorder6 years ago in Ballad

A Short Anti-Sanjaya Poem

A Short Anti-Sanjaya Poem

Simon is green
Paula is blue
Sanjaya, you suck
And your hair won't save youA Short Anti-Sanjaya Poem6 years ago in Ballad

7 Things - ParodyEw…
Ew…
Ew…

I probably shouldn't say this
But sometimes when I’m hungry
I think about the previous
Relationship we've shared

It was awesome, but we lost it
It’s not possible for me not to eat
Now I’m standing in the kitchen
And you probably won’t listen to what I say, my fridge

The 7 things I hate inside you
The 7 things I hate inside you
In you
Broccoli, Corn, Peas, Soy, that’s for sure
Fruit makes my tummy churn
The food you store, makes me cry
Organic stuff is all Mom buy’s
Sugar-Free ice cream
It makes me sick, I can’t take one lick
I wanna be with the food I7 Things - Parody5 years ago in Ballad

My Own AnswersMost poems are deep
With lots of hidden meaning
But I can't write like that
For all the wrong reasons

Things should be straight
And right to the point
No misunderstanding
Getting your nose out of joint

If I want to say something
I'll say it out right
Love really sucks
It's mostly just fights

Love in a poem?
That's never been done
Because writing about heartache
Is always such fun

But what can I say?
I don't know about love
Go in for a hug
And it turns into a shove

Star-crossed lovers
Running around like fiends
I don't actually know
What any of it means

Although I have an idea
From watching Soap Operas
You date sevenMy Own Answers3 years ago in Ballad

Toaster.BreadMy name is Toaster,
My preferred word is “Ding!”
And every breakfast,
The bread comes, visiting.

They never stay long,
Perhaps it’s just too hot.
I wish a minute
A time they will stay not.

Giant, fleshy hands
Come with a knife and plate,
Taking them away.
Another morning, I wait.

My name is Toaster,
My preferred word is “Ding!”
And every breakfast,
“Tick,” each second, I sing.

That timer beside
The humans always turn
Then when my song’s done,
They check the bread for burns.

What happens to toast,
That morning company?
Well, humans eat them,
A horrid sight to see.

My name is ToastToaster.Bread4 years ago in Ballad

The Catholic Yaoi AnthemThe Catholic Yaoi Fangirl Anthem

I will rot in Hell I know
For the Bible tells me so
I see yaoi day to day
and the Bible said it's wrong to be gay
So God has condemned me
God has condemned me
God has condemned me
The Bible tells me so
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

I will burn after I die
because I like guy on guy
the Bible said that yaoi's wrong
so I changed the words to this song
God has condemned me!
God has condemned me!
God has condemned me!
The Bible tells me so.
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

I will roast just like a pig
Cause the bible's bigoted
For the love of sodomy
Damn it all, to hell with me
God has condemned me!
God has condemned The Catholic Yaoi Anthem3 years ago in Ballad

One Day I Was a ToasterONE DAY I WAS A TOASTER

One day a was a toaster
As proud as proud can be
And as I traversed the purple plains,
I met a laughing tree.

'Hello, how are you today?
Please tell me a funny joke-
Let it be happy and none at all sad,'
Boomed the mighty oak.

'A wonderful story in mind,' said I
As I sat upon a root
'You will not have heard it yet,
Concerning a man, a bug and a boot.'

The tree looked jolly, as he spoke
'Well done, it sounds already funny.
Does it just surround a man, bug and boot,
Or involve stories of money and honey?"

'No, good sir, it does not
Go into further tales as such,
It is just a man, a bug and a boot
Not One Day I Was a Toaster8 years ago in Ballad

Paper or Plastic?Paper or plastic, paper or plastic,
Why is it always the same?
Some people call it a serious matter
while others call it merely a game.

Paper or plastic, paper or plastic,
it’s what you have to consider
when you pull fancy items off of the self
and your heart goes all a-twitter.

Paper or plastic, paper or plastic,
everyone knows you have to choose.
But no one can tell you which one is better
and which one would cause you to lose.

Paper or plastic, paper or plastic,
what would the wise men say?
Would they say plastic is better right now
and to save paper for a rainy day?

Paper or plastic, paper or plastic,
why is this choPaper or Plastic?4 years ago in Ballad

Unicorns + DragonsI once had a little brown pony
I couldn't afford food so she was real bony
So I fed her a balloon and she kinda exploded
She became a unicorn with a horn glitter-coated

We teamed up for quests
We were better than the rest

But one day I fell down
My head split right through my crown
My unicorn dragged me to a dragon
In some sort of strange wagon

The dragon took care of me
It was even all for free
Her scales were funny
They could change into money [That would heal ME]

So when I left her cave
It was my life that she saved
And I never fell down again.Unicorns + Dragons8 years ago in Ballad

Riddle the AnswerWelcome friends and enemies
to a world of contradiction and riddles
where silence is the loudest sound
and romance is bittersweet

To where the mute sings
falling hailing rain
dancing a walk
and pleasurable pain

Hear the birds chirp words
see a frowning smile
gentle aggresive tears
that flows down clumsily

So I say unto you
live in a world where the moon is bright as the sun
own mirrors that reflect nothing
and expirience delightful sorrowRiddle the Answer9 years ago in Ballad

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