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~Dracushit here again, with an exciting new offer. Our top looove scientists have developed a new dating formula to help those who are unlucky in love, like me. Check out me hitting on Kobra. Yeah, I know, how are we not dating already? He's a tough nut to crack. But thanks to the new Better Living Industries Dating Service, I've got someone to tide me over until Kobra realizes what's up. When I joined this program, they paired me with "your right hand." At first I thought "Hey, is this some kind of sick joke?" But it turns out that me and my right hand are perfect for each other. It never sasses me or lets me down, and it loves white gloves as much as I do. Thanks, BL/ind!
I know you must be thinking "Damn, how can I get a piece of this action?" Well, fortunately for you, BL/ind has decided to let Killjoys in on this. Just complete this quiz, post the answers here or note them to me, and send me (~Dracushit) 10 points. "Whaaat, a fee?" Yes, a fee, we're not going to match you up with the love of your life for free. This is serious stuff. Plus, the proceeds all go to #MCRdeviantClub for affiliating with BL/ind. No need to thank me.
When all of you have sent in your little applications, you'll get a message from me with the name of your true love (and I'll give you their responses, too, so you know it's meant to be.) If you slip in an extra 5 points, I just may be tempted to pair you up with ~FunGhoulio, regardless of your answers. In any case, you have to send in the 10 points to get your pairing. No points, no pairing. All that fan fiction you're planning on writing? Gone.
So are you ready to meet the love of your life? Here are the questions, specially formulated by BL/ind scientists for maximum loviness.
1. If you were a BL/ind pill, you would be:
a. Room-Clearing Pill (turns your face blue; you lay down and pretend to be dead until unwelcome guests leave)
b. Anti-Anxiety Pill (replaces frightening thoughts with an image of Korse skipping through a meadow of flowers)
c. "NOOO" Pill (when something traumatic happens, it deepens your voice so you can fall to your knees and scream "NOOOOOOO!")
d. Thug Life Pill (makes every sentence rhyme, as if you were rapping; has no effect on users who are too "white and nerdy")
2. You see [YOUR FAVORITE KILLJOY] trapped in a BL/ind Criminal Pod. Your reaction:
a. Bang your head against the glass until cracks form
b. Pull out a walkie-talkie and say "IT'S GO TIME." Five Killjoys, each holding three big guns, burst through the ceiling and are quickly apprehended by BL/ind staff
d. Ask him to "hook you up" with free medication
3. What is your favorite kind of music?
a. Beeps and blorps, with the occasional "twaaaaaang"
b. Elevator music
c. Smooth jazz
d. Incomprehensible screams
4. What is your ideal Battery City job?
a. Preschool teacher
d. Old man who yells at children to get off his yard
5. What are your plans for the future?
a. Build a happy life in the city
b. Usurp Dr. Death Defying and become new King of the DJs
d. Smoke Dracijuana and drive in circles around a cactus