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please oh my gosh this is so sad and I'm crying wow. please don't every kill yourself. if anyone is ever feeling suicidal please tell me. talk to someone. you are better than that. stay strong. please don't.
You're sitting at your desk you know it's time to go. You've said to that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know forsure it's real you're tired you're just so very tired. Your parents pissed you off, like school wasnt bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun, or just whatever you choose to use because you're just that desperate to leave you're ready. You think of it as some game. The first one dead is the first one that wins. No one's home, it's the perfect time. You're ready. If you don't do it now you're just gonna look down on youreself even more forever. You're gonna hate yourself even more. No one knows, no one will know until later on. Instead of getting a paper and a pen, you get the video camera along with a chair, you're standing on the chair. You decide to go with the rope. You're gone instantly, and there will be no noise. One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan, while the other is already around your neck. Your'e in tears, and you know its forreal this time. You can feel it. You turn on the vidoe camera, and you just stare at that red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mubble out a few words "Mom, dad, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm sorry, but I'm sorry. I just cant do this anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I've lost myself, and I seem to not be able to find my way back. Please don't blame yourself please. I love you both. Please tell my sibling the same. Stay strong and stay safe. I'll see you all soon." You say sorry to your bestfriend, cause you know you wont be there for him anymore. Especially when he needs you more then ever. You say sorry to everyone you can think of even yourself. You're sorry for not being strong anymore. You're sorry for breaking down. You're sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. You stare, once again at the red light blinking upon your eyes. One foot is off the chair now, as you begin to mouth the word goodbye. You have the remote control to turn off the camera in your right hand, your pointer finger on the off button already. You click that button, and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chair, that chair is on the floor. The room is filled with silence. You're dead. You're gone. There's no going back. Everything is over. You don't have to live in pain anymore, but everyone else will. What're your parents gonna think? What about your little brother? Or your little sister? What're they gonna do? You're gone. You're dead. There's no going back. You ened your life cause the person you liked only thought of you as a friend? You ended your life because that one teacher was harder you than anyone else in the class, because she knew that you were the only one that is going somewhere in life. Your parents are home now. They call your name, telling you that their home. Just like they normally do whenever they get home. But somethings different, you don't answer. They don't hear your voice. They get worried. You always answer. They come up stairs thinking your sleeping or showering. Your mom opens your bedroom door, and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Your little sister hears her and comes up afer her. She screams "Daddy help!" She runs over to you, hitting your leg. Begging you to wake up. "Wake up, wake up, please stop, wake up." But you dont' answer. You're not waking up. You're gone. You're dead. There's no waking up. There's no going back. Your dad comes running up stairs and all he could do was stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and fourth on a rope. He sees the video camera and he sees the chair, but he doesn't move. He's stiff as a board. He cries, your dad never cries. He picks up thephone and calls 911. He can barley gwt the words "My daughter commiteed suicide." out if his mouth. He's in tears. Your little sister stares at your dad. He hangs up, and she jumps right into your daddys arms crying harder than ever. She's too young to understand completely, but she knows youre gone. She knows you're dead, annd she knows that you're never coming back. Everything is over. The cops finally arrive. They take your mom out of your room. They push your dad and sister out of your room, and now they're sitting in the living room. They take your body down off those ropes, and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body and out you go. Jut like that, in the blink of an eye everything happened, and everything was over.You're gone. You're dead. There's no going back. Notiong is the same. Two weeks have passed and your mom stil stares out the window more than half of the day, sometimes eventhe whole day. Your little sister still hasn't returned to school. Your dad was forced to go to work so he could pay all the bills for your wake and your funeral. Eventually they found the strength to go back into your room. Your door hasn't been opened for two months. The rope is still laying on the floor the same place the cops put it, and the video camera is still sitting on the table. They don't even dare to watch that video. It will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills run up their spines, your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed, making it neat like they used to do every morning after you went to school. Your desk was empty, it didn't have those little sticky notes you used to leave before you ran to the bus saying "Have a good day mom, remember to smile." or "Have fun at work dad, c:" You pretended to be so happy, you evn tricked yourself. Your bed was made, and your room was clean. They shut the door, nd it remained shut. Your school is still under stress. You thought no one cared, and you thought no one noticed you. REmeber that girl that said no to being your lab partner? Yeah, she cuts every single night now, because she thinks its her fsult you died. You remeber that boy, that tripped you by accident, looked at you and just didn't say sorry? Yeah, he's in suicidal therapy 5 days a week in the hospital becuase he feels a smile could have saved your life and he didn't give that to you. Do you remeber that teacher that was hard on you that day? She quit her job, because she felt she wasn't suited to teach anymore. You're gone. You're dead. There's no going back. Four years have passed now, your little sister is 15 years old. She started a club, it's in her school dedicated to you. Secrets is what she calls it. The club if formed for kids to speak their hearts without anyone judging them, they can say anything they want to, and talk about anyhing they needed to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone to talk to. That was your problem, you dind't want to talk to anyone. You had eveything bottled inside of you. Yuo acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet, and you acted as if you had he perfect life. You played that happy charecter so well that even you started to beileve it. You would be so happy all day, and as soon as you layed in bed that night the thoughts came back. A little fight between you and your arents could have set you off, but with everything inside of you bottled up for years you just hit your limit. You're gone. You're dead. There's no going back. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every single night. Your dad isn't as strong as he used to be. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side moving her in the right direction. She needed you. Your bestfriend is still torn up. He needed you. Your parents don't know what to do anymore. They needed you. Your school now has a club dedicated to you, so teens will not make the same mistake you did. Your life was precious, and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All you needed was a smile. That's all you needed to show you that everything will be okay. But since your gone, just know people care. People always have cared, and people always will care. You were just way too upset to see that back then. You were just too caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared. When the truth was more people cared about you than you ever thought they would. And you know what sucks? It sucks that you see that, now that you're gone, and you didn't see that while you were still here. Your town will never be the same. A girl is gone. A spcieal girl. A girl who thought no one cared. Everyone cared, I promise you. They care, they always have cared, and they always will care. We loved you, and nomtter what we will still alwasy love you.