Found 356 relevant deviations
Journal Entry:
Sat Nov 5, 2011, 11:55 AM
The moment I wish I had a sword on hand is now.
Right now. Just shove in my stomach I want to cry.
I'm being forced to go to a shindig with my dad. I hate my dad. I haven't seen that ass in 6 years. But I'm being forced to go to something with that fucking side of the family. I hate that side of the family with a passionate fire. I don't want them in my life and I never have. I stopped having contact with them because I didn't want anything to do with them. But I'm being forced to. Forced. I should have the right not to go see those fuckers but I have to. I'm being forced. I keep getting ranted at about it and being yelled at because I don't want to go makes me want to curl up in a ball and sob. I hate my father and his family, the shit they did I'll never forgive even if I don't remember some of what they've done.
I don't want anything to do with them. My life was fine without them, I'm happy for the most part and I'm having a blast with those fuckers in my life.
I wasn't going to make a journal like this but my grandmother and mother have pushed me to the edge. I get sick at the mention of my father and I'm horribly dizzy at this point.
This journal originally was just going to be like this:
Welp after some group stuff you guys'll be seeing bookmark, button and key/phone charm designs and even some large pictures as I'm attempting to get prepared for Anime North as my friend and I wish to get a table for the whole weekend u v u
I'm doing some:
Tiger & Bunny
Madoka
Black Butler
Vocaloid
Devil May Cry
So keep an eye out for that
Yup..it was going to be quite a small journal but now I'm shaking
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Listening to: Matryoshka
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Reading: Junjou Romantica
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Watching: Pretty Cure
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Playing: Ookami
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Eating: Nothing
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Drinking: Milk
WOOOOOAH SHIT.
Maybe.
Prolly not.
I want to get back to updating my dA page again...
I've improved a lot in my drawings recently.. though alot of them have just been sketch pages.. and alot of them i've already have posted on my facebook..
I think I'll start migrating them here.. hopefully. C: I just want the people who have been watching me for this long to be proud I guess.
I dont know if im wording that right.
Whatever.
Until then, I hope to be drawing alot more these following days.. So stay posted!
Later days. ~
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Mood:
Daily Needs -
Listening to: Death, death, devil, devil, devil evil evil songs
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Reading: Muffins
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Watching: Penis
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Playing: Muffins
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Eating: Your cat.
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Drinking: Muffins
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Mood:
Amazed -
Watching: Horror movies
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Drinking: Big Red
I've been getting some requests to do art lately.
I don't know why, but it makes me happy.
Although doing the request makes me anxious because I never know if the requester will like it.
But anyways, I'm always open for requests.
If I had a reason to charge, I'd do it.
I have no idea what I'd use points for anyway.
Hopefully when my art is good, I can charge real money.
Mama needs new pretty stuff.
-flails-
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Mood:
Suffering
I'm so tired of being fat.
I currently probably weigh over 220 pounds.
I used to weigh about 120 but was still fatty in places.
But I'd kill to be 120 again.
I've almost considered taking a knife and cutting all the fat off.
I've also considered starving myself.
I just want to be skinny.
I doubt it's even possible to lose 100 pounds.
And if it is it'd take years for me probably.
My weight gain is mostly due to medication.
My old pills made me lose 60 pounds and I liked that.
So I wanted to take them again but I can't.
These pills just keep making me fatter.
I saw a picture of me yesterday and I was just so shocked and disgusted by how I looked.
I don't know why I keep looking at art. All it does is remind me how much mine sucks.
Then it makes me not want to do art anymore.
I talked to my dad about how artists view their own work negatively.
But some of them are so dumb.
Like, you have thousands of followers APPARENTLY YOU DON'T SUCK.
And yet you sit there and say you did "poorly" on this picture.
Meanwhile it gets thousands of views, the front page and hundreds of favorites?
What are you stupid?
I rarely get favorites or comments.
And sure as fuck no front page.
(And some art on the front page doesn't deserve to be there.)
So obviously my art's not that good.
I don't even like my own art.
Every picture I make just reminds me it's not good enough.
____ did better. ____ has better art. ____ is a better artist.
Two artists in particular always whine about how their art sucks and it makes me want to stab them.
Because there's no way their art is even in the same universe as "sucks".
Mine sucks, so if theirs sucks too, mine's complete shit.
My shading is messy, my style is generic, my anatomy sucks, I can't do complex pictures. I don't experiment much.
So yeah, shut up.
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Mood:
Anger
Thank you for deleting my deviation because of an erect penis.
Meanwhile every stupid slut on DA can show their twats.
You're an amazing site.
is anyone else not being notified of submissions in their message center? i usually have new stuff to look at every couple minutes but according to my message center, no one has submitted anything in over a day. deviantart still notifies me of journal posts, comments, polls, etc... just not art.
I FORGOT THAT YESTERDAY WAS PI DAY.
the "we love katamari" soundtrack is exceptionally conducive to my studies of both chemistry and medical terminology.
that is all.
i am still alive. sort of. college is really gay. i have some sketches or whatever. maybe i'll post them when i can find a scanner.
i'm really tired. i'm also working on a sam fisher costume. i've been "working" on it for like.. three months. i think my total work hours total up to like... three. or something. and mid-ohio-con is saturday.
WHOOPS!!!!!
ummm. and that's all i have to say. it was my birthday yesterday. i'm 19. it was not especially exciting.
Sta.sh
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