I'm not going to learn anything from this. you'd want me closer, I know. you'd want us to gather in more and share stories, see each other make the drive, take the flight make our new memories, say we love each other– everything you tried so very hard to accomplish while you were alive is happening now, 'cause you left– I'm not going to learn anything from this. he keeps texting me, checking in and we talked about how the grief is making us withdraw from others but here I am now, pulling away (slowly, slowly, and I remember how he took your side, then) I'm not going to learn anything from this. there are three people I have talked to about you one you know, one I'm dating, and one from my elementary school and it does help me not feel so alone but I am alone, I am. I am. I don't want this life as it is now (the world is dark without you here) I don't want to wake up to another day– I'm not going to learn anything from this. I'm caught off-guard by our TV shows, our songs